Forgotten and Misplaced
How sad is it to know no one out their who will not read this it is an important and readalbe just because I am not famous or it is not about some pono or junk, or rubbish stuff, what happen to people out their who care and understand reality.
I am going to introduce myself I have nothing to hide anymore as I was told as a little girl if I spoke up no one would believe us, My name is Sam as you will see later on my name was something else, if anyone is intersted or has been in the same situation please feel free to ring me on 0403 167432 it doesn 't matter what time, this story needs to told and people out their should know it is still be covered up if a publisher should read this or some person who could help to write this into a book I would be so greatful. I am still feel I am still a child and have not moved on.
Well hello, I am writing to tell my story for me and others like me, we are the Forgotten Australians. We are Australians and was made a ward of the state in St Joseph's Home Neerkol Rockhampton run by the sisters of mercy, My story starts at an age where children are loved and cared for and given kindness, what is kindness I say this was not shown to me as a child and in fact kindness is something I see in situations for the special need childrens and the time that is given to them, I am running away with myself he is the story, I have biological parents one italian and other another nationality, I am sorry for my typing and spelling but some words I cannot spell or my mind is racing at one hundred miles and hour. I have a merry go around in my head, here I go againg I am fifty three years of age and it has taken me this far to achieve my goal as a teacher aide for special need children, something that I didn't have as a child as I was treated like a retard at the age of two I was deserted and abandon at the orphanage I memtion before with two brothers whom I did not know till I was nearly eleven years of age. I recall my first time event in the home and it was around six years of age and I wet the bed maybe this happens to every child, but to me I was wrapped in my sheet and belted with the rosary beads of the nuns and walked around all day and made to feel bad about myself, I recall another time about not eating this porridge and they would hold out mouths shut till we swallowed it and if we vomite up we were made to eat it. My time as a child was full of a abuse and pain no love no cuddles no encourgement no one to say how lovely or good or keep up the good work, sometimes we hardly worn any clothes and were very cold and hungry if asked for more we were put into a dark room or cupboard, if we cried they then would bang on the door till we shut up. time in the orphange was thee only life I knew and I didn't have a name in the orphanage my name was number ten, and if we stood out of line we were thrown into the room or the cupboard and then made to wait for hours to eat or go to the toilet or sleep, sometimes I hid under the bed as I did not want to be found but it was hard to hide as it was all open and lines of bed and rows you were afraid that you would go to this hell they talked about and god would not take us into heaven what is heaven and hell, know I know it is what you make it, my life started of as a retard and was treated like a retard when i came out of the home , my bological mother came for us and when I did not respond to my name which is by the way Samilya I did not go to her and hug her, instead she yelled and punched and threw into the ground. Their is so much to tell you and say it is hard as sometimes I am a child writing this and it hurts, to go back and tell it but I want to tell this as it needs to heard or seen that we are still here and we are not going away, The government has formed a foundation so we can have some help for our personal growth and medical and some assistance for our house if it allowed and for education and I finished my Certificate 111 in education support and first aide course and auslan sign lanauage which I am so impressed with my self I feel like I have just started out in life instead of being fifty three, but in my body only feel like a young person and my mind, my doctors says all the years I was growing up I was learning and living the life instead of be shown or taught my mind has a few of me in my head and they keep telling me who I am and what to do, my doctors sent me to psychriaist one of the top one in his field, and after forty five years, instead of doctor hopping and taking overdoses feeling lost and lonely and going through life on my own and learning as I went along I made alot of people angry and could not understand what I did wrong like number ten in the home I still feel out of place and don't belong and not good enough to be a teacher aide or fit in anywhere, I feel like I am looking into someones elses life. As a little girl I used to watch the children leave out of a machine but did not know at the time it was called a car, and they would not come back I would ask the nuns and say why I could not go and she would say nobody will ever come for me. I did not know mums and dads existed in my growing up days, I only knew of nuns and priest and thought that was it at the time I did not know old people and young people existed or their was a another life, I thought we were aliens the first time coming out of the home I was so scared to touch and talk to these people and to adjust to this was hard, I was treated like a kicking horse from my biological mother and she threw my first meal I had out of the home which was somthing I have never seen before it was spaggetti and sauce, she picked up the table and said now eat it, you are all ungretful kids you should have be left in the orphanage, kids at the school she sent me to where horrible and called me names like wog,smelly, retard, I should stop talking about this at the moment as I am going into the child and I want to tell my story, I would like people out their to know since coming forward from the forde enquiry and with the help of leeane Forde is helped me to have a new career it is hard to get into the schools and work, but I do relief teacher aide work, I enjoy the children very much some of the teachers are fine but some remind me of the nuns, who did not like me or just don't want to know who I am, I feel the need for someone to know me, I write to alot of people and my doctor recommend me to this site as he feels it might give me closure and someone will help me put this into a story for people to read and let them know what the government is hiding, yes they are stopping children for being abused abut we as the adults are still living the same thoughts and ideas and coming to terms with how short our life is, I feel I have just started my life, I will come back as I have to go. now could someone read this and write back I have also written to orpahy winfrey show in the states, as I would like to go public and be validated or let me touch and see what it is like to be able to grow and feel and being loved and someone come for me, I asked my doctor thee other day if my mummy will come for me and he said no, she will never come for me, and I am not in the wrong and I am allowed to be angry I am not hating my mother I just don't understand her she says that I break down for attention maybe it is right, she tells me to grow up and get on with life and nobody cares, I am a person and a child and adult now does that make sense. I have more written up on my word document, I keep writing as I feel and remember what to say, my life was not famous or I am not a famous person like Rowena Wallace but I know her pain she gets to tell her story, I am not Schappella Corby but I don't do drugs like her but I am on medication to control my mind as I go into some kind of state and have panic attacks, and thoughts come into my head to kill myself to get attention, I am not fromthe stolen generation like the aborginals but I am a part of the Forgotten Australians, we now have a title to our lives which leaves me and others empty inside and feel still forgotten. This is all real and if you want to read the story it is on the forde foundation and it has all these recommendation which no one wants to reconize or believe someone else or some other government should look into it, has we came out when we were adults, as it stayed in our minds as little children and we weren't really adults even when we were grown up we kept it closed in our heads into little parts of my head and when the first person came out it all exploded and their was a room full of us, then my head just went into a big massive full of memories. And to finally know it was real and not something that was in my head and not just a dream, to tell the story was not an easy one and it was told to people and a friend of mine who came with me as I could not this was to be happening, told the story and then said they will get in contact with me but it left me with drepression and sucidal all the time and doctor hopping which I think I said before but I hope I am not repeating myself but I am trying hard to put it into book and hoping someone will read this and help me. I was made a ward of the state and the state government was my legal guardians and knew nothing about this or chose not to know as the system was not a good one and nobody out there knew we existed we were out side the town about and hour or two drive. The nuns and the priest if I reacall did not live on the same floor, one day I passed their eating area and saw their plates and glasses which i did not know at the time were those as I found out when I came out of the home. my childhood was a very sheltered and tormented one no love no kindness or cuddles or aknowelgement. number ten as I was called was me, I look at the movies and stories you tell and their nothing like the real thing. Annie the movie was mild, compared to our childhood and rabbit proof fence was sad that they were taken away from their family, but the government was like that with the white australians and the orphans too, if someone was abandon you became a ward of the state and that was is it, no other life no family life. which I didn't know existed or heard of. What is a family I have one but I don't, I never had a grandmother or granddad or aunts and uncles, or family life even with myl biological mother, it was work and more word and floggings and the children at the school I tried to learn were cruel as my clothes and shoes were from the dump and they made fun of me and I could not understand the school work or understand this way of like, I remember a nice family and it was a close and huge family and I wanted to part of them and I would cry when I came home and got bashed and could not tell my biological mother why, I could not as I was always told no one will listen and still no one listens nothing has changed much, if only I could find someone out there who would help me to put this into a book and tell the community and the country how it was, it is still being covered up and the government don't care it is not there responsiablity and it has passed the statue of limitation but only in these cases, it is not fair, prisoner get better treatment and more but they are human beings, the jail in this town of Rockhampton was in the city as I was their for a court case on one of the priest and asked to be taken out to orphanage and it was miles out of the town, nobody would have know where and who and what this place was, were is a person out their beside looking for making a million dollars out there to help, I believe this is a story worth telling and making a movie out of it. I have not been on line as I have been busy and hurt my neck, which has now been discovered it is from a past injury which is from my floggings and beltings from my childhood.
I am going to introduce myself I have nothing to hide anymore as I was told as a little girl if I spoke up no one would believe us, My name is Sam as you will see later on my name was something else, if anyone is intersted or has been in the same situation please feel free to ring me on 0403 167432 it doesn 't matter what time, this story needs to told and people out their should know it is still be covered up if a publisher should read this or some person who could help to write this into a book I would be so greatful. I am still feel I am still a child and have not moved on.
Well hello, I am writing to tell my story for me and others like me, we are the Forgotten Australians. We are Australians and was made a ward of the state in St Joseph's Home Neerkol Rockhampton run by the sisters of mercy, My story starts at an age where children are loved and cared for and given kindness, what is kindness I say this was not shown to me as a child and in fact kindness is something I see in situations for the special need childrens and the time that is given to them, I am running away with myself he is the story, I have biological parents one italian and other another nationality, I am sorry for my typing and spelling but some words I cannot spell or my mind is racing at one hundred miles and hour. I have a merry go around in my head, here I go againg I am fifty three years of age and it has taken me this far to achieve my goal as a teacher aide for special need children, something that I didn't have as a child as I was treated like a retard at the age of two I was deserted and abandon at the orphanage I memtion before with two brothers whom I did not know till I was nearly eleven years of age. I recall my first time event in the home and it was around six years of age and I wet the bed maybe this happens to every child, but to me I was wrapped in my sheet and belted with the rosary beads of the nuns and walked around all day and made to feel bad about myself, I recall another time about not eating this porridge and they would hold out mouths shut till we swallowed it and if we vomite up we were made to eat it. My time as a child was full of a abuse and pain no love no cuddles no encourgement no one to say how lovely or good or keep up the good work, sometimes we hardly worn any clothes and were very cold and hungry if asked for more we were put into a dark room or cupboard, if we cried they then would bang on the door till we shut up. time in the orphange was thee only life I knew and I didn't have a name in the orphanage my name was number ten, and if we stood out of line we were thrown into the room or the cupboard and then made to wait for hours to eat or go to the toilet or sleep, sometimes I hid under the bed as I did not want to be found but it was hard to hide as it was all open and lines of bed and rows you were afraid that you would go to this hell they talked about and god would not take us into heaven what is heaven and hell, know I know it is what you make it, my life started of as a retard and was treated like a retard when i came out of the home , my bological mother came for us and when I did not respond to my name which is by the way Samilya I did not go to her and hug her, instead she yelled and punched and threw into the ground. Their is so much to tell you and say it is hard as sometimes I am a child writing this and it hurts, to go back and tell it but I want to tell this as it needs to heard or seen that we are still here and we are not going away, The government has formed a foundation so we can have some help for our personal growth and medical and some assistance for our house if it allowed and for education and I finished my Certificate 111 in education support and first aide course and auslan sign lanauage which I am so impressed with my self I feel like I have just started out in life instead of being fifty three, but in my body only feel like a young person and my mind, my doctors says all the years I was growing up I was learning and living the life instead of be shown or taught my mind has a few of me in my head and they keep telling me who I am and what to do, my doctors sent me to psychriaist one of the top one in his field, and after forty five years, instead of doctor hopping and taking overdoses feeling lost and lonely and going through life on my own and learning as I went along I made alot of people angry and could not understand what I did wrong like number ten in the home I still feel out of place and don't belong and not good enough to be a teacher aide or fit in anywhere, I feel like I am looking into someones elses life. As a little girl I used to watch the children leave out of a machine but did not know at the time it was called a car, and they would not come back I would ask the nuns and say why I could not go and she would say nobody will ever come for me. I did not know mums and dads existed in my growing up days, I only knew of nuns and priest and thought that was it at the time I did not know old people and young people existed or their was a another life, I thought we were aliens the first time coming out of the home I was so scared to touch and talk to these people and to adjust to this was hard, I was treated like a kicking horse from my biological mother and she threw my first meal I had out of the home which was somthing I have never seen before it was spaggetti and sauce, she picked up the table and said now eat it, you are all ungretful kids you should have be left in the orphanage, kids at the school she sent me to where horrible and called me names like wog,smelly, retard, I should stop talking about this at the moment as I am going into the child and I want to tell my story, I would like people out their to know since coming forward from the forde enquiry and with the help of leeane Forde is helped me to have a new career it is hard to get into the schools and work, but I do relief teacher aide work, I enjoy the children very much some of the teachers are fine but some remind me of the nuns, who did not like me or just don't want to know who I am, I feel the need for someone to know me, I write to alot of people and my doctor recommend me to this site as he feels it might give me closure and someone will help me put this into a story for people to read and let them know what the government is hiding, yes they are stopping children for being abused abut we as the adults are still living the same thoughts and ideas and coming to terms with how short our life is, I feel I have just started my life, I will come back as I have to go. now could someone read this and write back I have also written to orpahy winfrey show in the states, as I would like to go public and be validated or let me touch and see what it is like to be able to grow and feel and being loved and someone come for me, I asked my doctor thee other day if my mummy will come for me and he said no, she will never come for me, and I am not in the wrong and I am allowed to be angry I am not hating my mother I just don't understand her she says that I break down for attention maybe it is right, she tells me to grow up and get on with life and nobody cares, I am a person and a child and adult now does that make sense. I have more written up on my word document, I keep writing as I feel and remember what to say, my life was not famous or I am not a famous person like Rowena Wallace but I know her pain she gets to tell her story, I am not Schappella Corby but I don't do drugs like her but I am on medication to control my mind as I go into some kind of state and have panic attacks, and thoughts come into my head to kill myself to get attention, I am not fromthe stolen generation like the aborginals but I am a part of the Forgotten Australians, we now have a title to our lives which leaves me and others empty inside and feel still forgotten. This is all real and if you want to read the story it is on the forde foundation and it has all these recommendation which no one wants to reconize or believe someone else or some other government should look into it, has we came out when we were adults, as it stayed in our minds as little children and we weren't really adults even when we were grown up we kept it closed in our heads into little parts of my head and when the first person came out it all exploded and their was a room full of us, then my head just went into a big massive full of memories. And to finally know it was real and not something that was in my head and not just a dream, to tell the story was not an easy one and it was told to people and a friend of mine who came with me as I could not this was to be happening, told the story and then said they will get in contact with me but it left me with drepression and sucidal all the time and doctor hopping which I think I said before but I hope I am not repeating myself but I am trying hard to put it into book and hoping someone will read this and help me. I was made a ward of the state and the state government was my legal guardians and knew nothing about this or chose not to know as the system was not a good one and nobody out there knew we existed we were out side the town about and hour or two drive. The nuns and the priest if I reacall did not live on the same floor, one day I passed their eating area and saw their plates and glasses which i did not know at the time were those as I found out when I came out of the home. my childhood was a very sheltered and tormented one no love no kindness or cuddles or aknowelgement. number ten as I was called was me, I look at the movies and stories you tell and their nothing like the real thing. Annie the movie was mild, compared to our childhood and rabbit proof fence was sad that they were taken away from their family, but the government was like that with the white australians and the orphans too, if someone was abandon you became a ward of the state and that was is it, no other life no family life. which I didn't know existed or heard of. What is a family I have one but I don't, I never had a grandmother or granddad or aunts and uncles, or family life even with myl biological mother, it was work and more word and floggings and the children at the school I tried to learn were cruel as my clothes and shoes were from the dump and they made fun of me and I could not understand the school work or understand this way of like, I remember a nice family and it was a close and huge family and I wanted to part of them and I would cry when I came home and got bashed and could not tell my biological mother why, I could not as I was always told no one will listen and still no one listens nothing has changed much, if only I could find someone out there who would help me to put this into a book and tell the community and the country how it was, it is still being covered up and the government don't care it is not there responsiablity and it has passed the statue of limitation but only in these cases, it is not fair, prisoner get better treatment and more but they are human beings, the jail in this town of Rockhampton was in the city as I was their for a court case on one of the priest and asked to be taken out to orphanage and it was miles out of the town, nobody would have know where and who and what this place was, were is a person out their beside looking for making a million dollars out there to help, I believe this is a story worth telling and making a movie out of it. I have not been on line as I have been busy and hurt my neck, which has now been discovered it is from a past injury which is from my floggings and beltings from my childhood.
posted by Samilya Muller at 9:56 PM
1 Comments:
Hi Samilya:
I'm so sorry for what has happened to you. I'm glad that you're writing your story. You have come a long way from those hurtful days. Keep writing your story. Don't write because you hope someone out there will help you. Write because you are helping yourself by writing. Healing comes through telling. Tell your story to Jesus, he is very interested in it. He would like to help you write a better ending. I'm glad you visited my blog. Don't give up. You are on a hard road but a good road. I hope you find love and peace.
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